Chapter 86
“Kendal” he said, his voice was quiet surprisingly or as quiet as a voice as deep as his could get. I sniffed in
response.
“I’m not cheating on you” he said, the words left his mouth like they sounded ridiculous to him, I’m pretty sure he was smiling when he said them.
“why not?” I asked curiously? Not that I wanted him to, but I mean he had a lot of wives, I’m sure he was used to getting sex all the time, but now that I was here and he refused sex….
“What?” he asked sounding generally confused.
“Why not?” I repeated harder this time, more sure of my question.
“I… I don’t want to?” he said questionably.
“okay”
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” he asked with a sigh, I nodded and then realized I was an idiot because it
was dark and he couldn’t see me.
“Yes” I said quickly, he got in bed under the covers, I still didn’t lay down, he turned over on his back putting his hands behind his head, I moved forward slightly hesitantly laying my small cold hands on his stomach, he flexed with the coldness, but my hands were warmed instantly.
“Dez” I said quietly, he moved his head towards me showing me he was listening.
“I-” I stopped biting down on my lip, I winced because I bit on the sore spot from earlier but only bit harder with the words wanting to come out of my mouth. I sighed, and took in a deep breath looking up and counting to ten. I was spending the rest of my life with him, I shouldn’t be embarrassed.
“I- I want to have sex” I stated bluntly, feeling my cheeks flush and his stomach muscles flex once more
under my hands.
“What?” he said harshly spitting the words out.
“I want to have sex” I repeated.
“Kendal.” he paused quickly like he had so many things he wanted to say to me they all jumbled and all he could get out was Kendal. I closed my eyes waiting for him to collect his thoughts, his breathing had gotten more rapid, out of anger I’m assuming.
“What the hell?” he finally settled on with a sigh like he had just given up on trying and picked one
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Chapter 86
exclamation.
“I–I don’t understand why not, I–I’m your mate, we’re supposed to have sex” I stated trying to sound persuasive but it came out more stubborn like.
“How many times do I have to explain this to you? Do you just not listen or are you not understanding?” he responded sounding highly annoyed, removing one hand from behind his head and rubbing his face throwing his hand out when he was through.
“I understand you don’t want to hurt me, but…” I looked down “I don’t care” I said.
“Why?”
“Because I want to”
“But why? You don’t want to have sex just because you feel like it.”
“I–I want us to do that. I want..” I sighed thinking, I knew the real reason but I wasn’t going to voice it. “I want us to complete the mating process, I want you to be my real mate. I want us to connect and- and be together physically. That’s mates are supposed to do, love each other in every way…” I trailed off.
“And you want a baby.” He stated, I let out a small gasp and stared at him through the darkness freezing. That was the real reason. I did want to love Dez in that way, but I already loved him more than anything
I was satisfied with how connected we were.
“I–I no” I denied.
“Yes, that’s what you want. I’m your mate I know what you want, you can tell me Kendal, you’re not going to hide it from me” he stated in an obvious tone, but oddly enough he didn’t sound irritated, just generally interested in our conversation.
“How did you know?” I asked him curiously.
“You dream about it” he responded quietly his hand moving down to play with the strings of his sweatpants. I watched the movement.
“I do?”
“All the time, when you don’t have nightmares… I knew you did, I didn’t think you were going to tell me this way though” he sounded amused.
“You’re not mad?” I questioned cautiously.
“Because you want a baby?”
“You told me you couldn’t do that…”
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Chapter 86
“Oh I’m capable” he said teasingly, I grinned letting out a small giggle. He was being so different. He was being honest, and caring, and he even had a sense of humor. He wasn’t angry or upset, he was relaxed and even smiling. I was shocked. It was nice, I wasn’t worried about upsetting him, he seemed fine. He seemed…normal. It was questionable but I was not ruining my small normal moment of him being nice to me over asking about it.
“Kendal… I’m not dad material. I can’t be the father of a child. I’m… I can’t.”
“Why?” I whispered.
“The things I do. The number of people I’ve killed, the number of families I’ve destroyed, the number of sons and fathers I’ve killed. I’m a monster.” He sounded disgusted with himself, but no tone of regret was in his voice.
