Chapter 152
The stages of grief begin with Denial. And no, that’s not just a river. I went through this before I rejoined the academy. I had to be evaluated and I staged it. I was put on the field because I took a couple of online courses to give me the answers along with the given responses. Added a few drugs to give the proper chemical response and boom. They put me on the force.
I kept telling myself that my being able to logically go around the set system proved that I was fine and I ignored the beginning stage of Crystal’s feral spiral. Everything I did was an excuse I used to justify how fucking terrible I feel about the way everything happened and how I handled it. Even after all that, here I am once again. Step one.
I am sitting in a room with James, Alegra, and some guy. I don’t even know his name yet. We’re new so they’re keeping us together. Alegra is dressed the same as I am’and she’s seated between her son and me. Dr. Salazar is sitting across from me writing shit down with his stupid fucking Lightning McQueen pen.
“Good morning,” he greets us. No one says it back. He smiles and writes something down. I see James shift in his seat from my peripheral vision. “All right. How did you all sleep?”
No one answers again. His eyes sweep the room and just as he’s about to write it down I clear my throat.
“Not well,” I answer truthfully. He takes a deep breath and nods.
“I can only imagine. This place is not familiar,”
“And it has no scent,” I add.
“Why is that?” James asks.
“Each room is sterilized daily. Often we have lycans that have a very strong scent. Letting the scent of grief and fear linger in a room can turn any of us ravenous,” he explains. “Why don’t we go around the room and introduce ourselves? Let’s get to know one another a little more. Why don’t we start with you, Perry? Introduce yourself,”
“Um,” I clear my throat again and try to sit up straight. I stare down at my hands not sure how to begin. Am I Pernicious Phurry or Prince?
“There are no titles here. No politics. Just tell us your name,”
“My name is Pernicious-” I take a deep breath. “My name is Pernicious Nelson,”
“Good,” he smiles and then turns to Alegra.
“My name is Alegra Prince,” she answers quietly.
“James Prince,” her son says.
“Endo Graham,” the other guy finishes.
“I am Edmundo Salazar,” the doctor introduces himself and then turns to me. That’s what I fucking get for taking pity on
here?” him. I think he’s about to question me but then his eyes turn the James. “Mr. Prince. Why are you
“What?” James asks as if the doctor were insulting him.
“Why are you here? Or maybe try, why do you think you’re here
“It’s court–ordered,” he says.
“No other reason?”
“The King sent me here,” he growls. He writes that down and it makes James angry.
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“Don’t,” I say calmly when he tenses up. James’s glare clashes with mine. “Just don’t,”
He huff’s rolling his eyes before averting his gaze.
“Perry, why are you here?” Dr. Salazar asks.
“Obviously, my brother wanted his wife out of the way,” James scoffs.
“I asked to be here,” I answer. “Well, you suggested it and I think it’s a good idea,”
“Why would you choose to be here?” James asks. The doctor looks from James to me.
“Yes, why would you choose to be here?” he asks.
“I did something bad. Maybe the worst thing I’ve ever done and I stop feeling my throat swell.
“And?” the doctor presses.
“And no one is punishing me for it,” I look down at my hands not wanting to see him write that down.
“Do you think you deserve to be punished?”
“Yes,” I nod.
“Okay, why?”
“It’s what I was taught. You do something bad and you’re punished for it. Actions have consquences,”
“If you believe that, why did you break this rule or why did you do this thing you haven’t been punished for?”
“At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do. I told myself it was, but I’ve never been able to tell the difference,”
B
“Between what?”
“Right and wrong,”
I almost growl at him when he writes that down.
“What kind of punishment do you think you deserve?”
“Death,” I say without hesitation. Everyone in the room turns to look at me. Even the two guards and the nurse.
“What could you have possibly done to deserve such a punishment?”
“I’ve lied, killed, exploited, and stolen from a lot of people including my friends and family,”
“You mean this quite literally,”
“Every word,”
“When did you start to notice that something was amiss in your actions?”
“The very first time I pushed a hunting knife through a boy’s throat. I was thirteen,”
“Why did you do that?”
It’s been a long time since I’ve thought of Reginald Barkley. He was sixteen at the time–one of Calvin’s best friends. Calvin often got verbal with me growing up. He’d call me names and had others laugh at me, but he never put his hands on me. Reggy, however, got off on hurting others and got rough with Morgan. Tried to force her shorts down her legs in the girl’s
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Chapter 152
locker room after school.
The knife belonged to our gym teacher. He was always peeling the skin off his apples with it as he had us running around. At the time I was wearing my archery gloves. I panicked and I took the knife without thinking and pushed it right into the side
of his neck.
I remember the way he stumbled. The sound that Morgan’s head made when it hit the locker in front of her. He pulled it out spraying us both with blood. I don’t remember regretting it. I don’t regret it now. I went as far as walking up to him as he tried to cover the wound. I was the last thing he saw.
Morgan pulled me to the showers behind him. We washed off the blood, stole some gym clothes, and went home. Coach Starling was arrested and charged with first–degree murder. She didn’t say a word and neither did I. Ever. Not until now.
There were times when I thought I had dreamed it, and I left it at that. I never addressed the relief I felt after. The annoyance that boiled in my blood as everyone mourned the loss of one of the biggest pieces of shit in our school was the only thing that reassured me it had happened. It was the first time I took a life and it wasn’t an order. It was to save the girl I thought would be my best friend for the rest of my life.
“Because he tried to force himself on my friend. I knew that even if we had gone to the principal or the alpha he would have gotten away with it. Out of every outcome that ran through my head, that was the only one that ended with us on top,”
“Is that what you think right is?”
“No, it’s what I was taught. I had to be the best at everything I’d ever set out to do except the alphas,”
“Who taught you this?”
“My father. He engraved it in my head from a young age,”
“How so?”
“By example and when that wasn’t enough. Discipline,”
“Okay, when you say by example. What do you mean by that?”
“I mean just that. My father was a Knight of the Wolf Realm. An assassin of the Alpha King,”
“And when he disciplined you?”
“Yelling, lashing, intense training, and the box,”
“The box? What is the box?”
“It was an armored box that my parents used to store money and drugs in. When I fucked up, he would make me go in there. For hours. There were times when he would let me out to use the bathroom and eat only to make me go back inside,”
“What did you do to warrant that kind of punishment?”
“I would stand up for others. I’d fight for things that weren’t always any of my business. He would say that it wasn’t a beta’s place to stop what is an alpha’s place to regulate. There were times when I spoke to my superiors out of term. Times when I surpassed things the alpha’s son could do,”
“Why?” James asks. “You were better,”
“My father was taking refuge in Redwood City. He had been burned and we couldn’t be stronger than the alphas employing us. Every time I fucked up the other betas and the alpha would remind him why he was in the position that he was. The more attention I invited to our family who was supposed to be hiding out, the closer those who were looking for him would get,”